Today, however, this is becoming harder. Social media plays a significant role in everyday life, especially for children and young people. Many are growing up in a world of carefully curated images, status updates, and comparisons. Without even realising it, people can begin to build a version of themselves for others to see, while hiding their truest thoughts and feelings. The search for likes and approval can quietly replace genuine self-acceptance.

Sir Edmund Hillary once said, “It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.” In many ways, this feels especially relevant now. We can strive, perform, and push forward, but if we do not understand ourselves, our emotions, and our needs, that climb becomes exhausting rather than joyful.

Why emotional intelligence matters for happiness

Research over the past three decades has shown that emotional intelligence plays a central role in happiness and wellbeing. Emotional intelligence refers to our ability to recognise, understand, and manage emotions in ourselves and others. Studies in psychology and wellbeing research consistently show that higher emotional intelligence is linked to greater life satisfaction, better mental health, and stronger relationships.

Goleman highlights that emotional intelligence is not about being positive all the time. Instead, it is about being emotionally aware and emotionally honest. As he explains,
“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.”

For children, this is especially important. The earlier they learn to understand and express their emotions, the more confident and resilient they become. They feel safer being themselves and more comfortable making decisions and expressing opinions.

Authentic self-expression and emotional health

When children and adults are unable to express themselves authentically, emotional pressure builds. Feelings are pushed down, ignored, or disguised, and this often shows up later as anxiety, anger, withdrawal, or low self-esteem. Psychology research shows that suppressing emotions increases emotional stress, while expressing emotions in a safe and supported way reduces it.

When we help children understand and express their thoughts and feelings, they are better able to enjoy their friendships, activities, and daily experiences. They feel more confident because they feel understood, both by others and by themselves.

The science of naming feelings

One of the most powerful and well-researched aspects of emotional intelligence is emotional vocabulary. In a single day, children can experience dozens of emotions. Yet many only have words for a handful.

Research in neuroscience and child psychology shows that when feelings are named, the brain processes them more effectively. This is sometimes referred to as affect labelling. Psychiatrist Dr Dan Siegel describes this effect as “name it to tame it.” Neuroscience shows that when strong emotions build up, the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for emotional reactions such as anger or fear, can become highly activated. This is what happens when we or our children “flip our lid” and react before thinking. When a child is supported to name what they are feeling, such as saying “I feel furious,” “I feel overwhelmed,” or “I feel hurt,” activity in the amygdala begins to reduce, while the thinking and regulating parts of the brain become more active. In simple terms, naming feelings helps calm the brain. When children develop the language to accurately describe their emotions, those emotions feel less frightening and less overwhelming. Over time, this ability to recognise, name, and talk about feelings helps children regulate themselves more effectively, feel more in control, and experience fewer emotional explosions. Because they feel understood, calmer, and better able to manage their inner world, children who can name their emotions tend to feel more confident, more balanced, and ultimately happier.

Naming our feelings brings clarity and calm, rather than allowing feelings to overwhelm us. This is why helping children expand their emotional vocabulary is so important. The more precisely they can describe how they feel, the more supported and in control they feel. The daily feelings check in used in our journals is the quickest, most effective way to help children begin to assess the (many) feelings they may have each day. Our FEELIT® Cards expand the vocabulary every further enabling wider and deeper self-expression and understanding.

Emotional validation builds trust and confidence

As parents, our instinct is often to fix or reassure. When a child says they feel bored, upset, or angry, we may jump in with solutions or reminders to be grateful. While well intentioned, this can sometimes shut down emotional expression rather than encourage it.

Emotional validation means listening first. It means acknowledging feelings without judgement and allowing space for them to exist. Research from child development and emotional intelligence studies shows that children who feel emotionally validated are more likely to share openly, regulate emotions effectively, and develop higher self-esteem.

Simply put, when children feel heard and understood, their stress levels reduce, trust increases, and emotional learning can take place.

Connection through participation and shared voice

One practical way families can nurture emotional intelligence and self-expression is through shared conversations and family meetings. Research into family communication shows that children who feel listened to and included develop stronger confidence and better emotional regulation.

When families create spaces where everyone can speak, be heard, and contribute, children learn that their thoughts and feelings matter. These experiences help develop key emotional skills such as empathy, problem solving, cooperation, and resilience.

Building happiness from the inside out

Happiness is not about constant positivity. Research in positive psychology shows that happiness grows when people feel understood, emotionally safe, and able to express who they are. Emotional intelligence supports happiness because it helps people navigate both positive and difficult emotions with balance and confidence.

The ability to express ourselves freely and with confidence begins early, even before words. It is a skill that grows through practice, support, and connection. Home is the most powerful place for this learning to happen.

By supporting emotional intelligence, self-understanding, and authentic expression, we give children something far more valuable than quick reassurance. We give them the tools to understand themselves, trust their feelings, and build a happier, more resilient future.